Ah yes. The Apocalypse. Or the ApoCALIpse as I like to call it. Let's just say Duerer and I had a disagreement over how many horsemen to put in the woodcutting. Yes, I'm talking about the Fifth Horseman of the ApoCALIpse- the California fiscal crisis that's gripping Sacramento (I know, two word plays per sentence is overkill).
We're talking lay offs, reduced pay, furloughs, and who knows what else. Cats and dogs hugging each other. That kind of thing. My days at work may be numbered according to the "last one in, first one out" principle of pink slips (A cousin of the "move the meat, lose the seat" rule that prevailed in my house growing up. I'd get to sit in that Laz-E Boy again some day if it weren't in recliner heaven.).
So in doing my research for contingency plans after the ApoCALIpse does it job and ends my brief time in the sun, I figured where else to turn but a place for spazes. or spasses. Again, I didn't know how to spell spaz (another reason that I am the world's biggest spaz).
I came across this video under spass (German for 'fun'- I did spend 12 years learning German for a purpose), I realized I have a plan B.
German.
80s.
Music.
Sensation.
Please watch the video and observe my careful reasoning why this is a good plan B.
For starters, I already speak German. That was the long and hard first step. German music sensations need German skills or German lip-synching skills a la Milli Vanilli.
Second, I'm a child of the 80s. Anything from the 80s is good fun for me. And if it involves bizarre costumes, hair, and makeup, that's OK. I am a slave to my art.
Third, you never know when having one shirt tail tucked in and one hanging out will come back in fashion. I mean, who knew five years ago that the skinny tie would be back in. Or good dental hygiene. I certainly was taken by surprise.
Fourth, the groupies and the roadies. I don't know if I'll ever make money as a New German Wave (Neue Deutsche Welle) musician, but I don't think it matters. It's about people, the people that accompany me on my every trip. And if they happen to, say, buy an overpriced t-shirt or two, who's the victim? And if they get a I heart Chad tattoo on their ankle or wrist, that's just money back in our economy. I mean, I'm not the one to cause other people pain.
I'm just the world's biggest spaz.
3 comments:
we'll try to get your preschool and elementary school aged groupies started. maybe you can get the temporary tatoos for the youngins and I'll convince the moms to get real tatoos.
Plus, let's not kid ourselves, you look great in school-boy shorts.
i've always thought of you as some sort of sensation in waiting. let your spaz flag fly.
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