Chad Can Plan for Hobbits

There is a wonderful world called Hobbitville at 1895 S 1300 E in Salt Lake City.

It's home to hobbits.

Or should I say "Little People" You know who I am talking about.

It is a magical subdivision where little people can live in peace. It is shielded from view by large fences and magical landscaping so you can't see through it.

Big people can only come into the entry/parking area which is guarded by a very tall person ("giant") and taxidermied stuffed chipmunk/pigeon creations. Or so my sources say.

The residences-where only some people go- has small cottages where the little people live. It also has a pond and a bridge. If you intrude into the area, the little people get stones and may throw them at you, or they may try to cast spells (verbatim what my source said- I kid you not). This subdivision has existed for a while, and apparently they have interbred a lot.

I suggest leaving the little people alone. They've suffered enough at our hands.

Mental map that a source drew for me:

This place's existence has been confirmed by 4 eye witnesses

Be Somebody!

I promise a real post in a couple days. But let me tell you, this morsel will quench your Chad Can Plan thirst. I especially like and recommend the comment entitled "It's 'T' Time."

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/6300183556/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

Chad Can't Blog

To show solidarity with my Hollywood writer brothers and sisters, this will be the last post until the strike ends.

OR until I'm done with my book critique paper, whichever's first.

Advice

Here's some advice that I have recently discovered.

Before you marry someone, get the following info (and no I am not married):
1. Name
2. Where they're from
3. Birthday and age

The following are scams:
1. Organic food
2. Ethanol
3. Canada
4. Comeback tours

If you think your food needs an extra umph, trying one of the following ingredients:
1. Fat
2. Sugar
3. Milk
4. Salt

Don't vacation in the following places:
1. Cuba
2. Syria
3. Libya
4. Missouri (It's still not a state)

If you want something to do, call:
(559) 767-2676

If I grow out my hair just a little bit longer, I think I can get my hair feathered. Then, glam shots! Anyone got black ribbed turtlenecks?
Glam shot of our Secretary of State

Tazzies on the Town

Scientists are trying to bring back this animal, the Tazzie Tiger, which went extinct in the early 1900s. They apparently have enough DNA to clone it by using a tiger or some other feline as a surrogate parent. So I thought to myself- who would I bring back from the grave if I could? I propose the following celebrities/ personalities.

Edgar Allen Poe- His poems were so amazing, and he died tragically young. And he liked nature. I think that for bringing Poe back he would have to: A) recite his poems at a party of mine for Halloween or the Winter Solstice, B) Accompany me on shopping trips to freak out the other customers, and C) Accompany me on double dates with a girl that I choose for him. I think because he's kinda creepy and married his cousin, it would make me look really good.


Chester A. Arthur- Mainly because of his amazing mustache, his cool mutton chops, and his snazzy suit. Plus, you could go up to him and say: "Wow! It's Chester A. Arthur! We hardly knew ye!"

Mary Shelley- the author of Frankenstein. She could help me with A) finding corpse parts B) Assembling them into a monster, and C) Writing the great American novel (Although she's British, she would give me perspective).


Cher. I don't have a picture of her, but that's not really the point. I am really indifferent towards her music, but I'm not indifferent towards her Fresno-ness. She briefly attended Fresno High (she never graduated). But I take pride in the fact that she is a celebrity and from my home town and has A) never been in prison, B) doesn't belong in prison C) doesn't look or smell like she belongs in prison (Unlike K Fed), D) hasn't played someone who works in prison (Mayor Bubba excluded- he was more of celebrity), and E) hasn't been on Star Trek Voyager (like a certain Fresnan).

Not all of us are like Dick Clark, who took a thirty-year break from aging. Do I want the same kind of eternally young treatment? Maybe in a few years. I'm not quite at the peak of my pre-botox perfection.

Freemasons Make Good BBQ

But they don't know how to advertise well.

That is just one of the things I have come to realize while I've been here in Florida.

The Freemasons hosted a $6 BBQ, and so my freemason co-worker invited me along. They roasted the chicken on cherrywood and used a good type of sauce. Boy, those freemasons must have good marinades as one of their little secrets!

Back in the day, they used to think that Mormons had horns. It makes sense. What else would explain our devilish good looks?

There are things called chiggers. They like to hide in the grass and in the Spanish moss that hangs from the trees. I am afraid of my little chigger buddies because they like to burrow into your skin and make you itch. Ouch! Everytime I walk under a tree I am so scared to have them brush into my hair, causing me to shave off my hair, cover my head in nail polish, and wait for the ouch to go away.

On Monday, I tried not to make any comments in my classes because I'm like Hermione Granger, raising my hand awkwardly before anyone else. I figured if I sit on my hands like I had to do in kindergarten everytime I get the urge to make a comment, I could do it. But 2 and 1/2 hours into the 6 hours of classes, I fell off the bandwagon. But where's my intervention?

Spanish Moss- the home of chiggers

A Bimberly by Any Other Name Would Smell As Sweet

I was shown this website a while back. It is amazing. I am asking all of you who read this to comment on which name is your favorite and should be adopted by more people. I honestly think this site could be for any state--there are crazy names everywhere--but I only know of one for Utah. My favorite is Bimberly.

http://wesclark.com/ubn/