Tuesday, April 19, 2011

My Zombie Apocalypse Survival Plan

With the year 2012 (the Apocalypse Year) closely approaching and the popularity of the Walking Dead, I thought I'd share with you all my fool-proof Zombie Apocalypse Survival Plan. Now, there are a few assumptions about this particular Zombie Apocalypse. There are two main types of Zombies: supernatural and scientific. Supernatural zombies are difficult. In case of supernatural zombies, you either have to join them (I mean, it can't be all that bad to be a Zombie) or go hard-core Zombie slayer and end up dying in a blaze of glory (like Buffy or Spike (I met him- he's a nice guy)). I assume that any Zombie Apocalypse will be scientific Zombies, such as a Zombie virus.
So you ask yourself: "But Chad, what are we going to do? The Zombies are at my door, and I don't know what to do!"
My Plan is as follows:
1. Grab any gun, baseball bat, or sharp pointy object you can.
2. Grab your supply of food, water, and clothes for about two weeks.
3. Head up to the great white north. Canada.
Yes, that's correct. Canada will be safe from Zombies. Not all of Canada. Just some of it. Here's my logic: What kills Zombies? Killing the brain. What kills brains? Shotgun blasts, bashes to the head, fire, and EXTREME COLD. Yes, that's right. Extreme cold. The brain cells expand, burst, and the Zombie dies. Or undies, I don't really know the proper terminology.
A large chunk of North America (see red line on the map below) freezes below -20 Fahrenheit each year. I reckon this is cold enough to kill brain cells. And the areas where Zombies don't die each year will be full of Zombies. So what you have to do is go very far up north so the survivor Zombies won't be able to reach you before the harsh winters kill them off again. So all you need to do is just chill out for a decade or so until the Zombies kill each other off.
For potential locations I have Whitehorse, Yukon or Yellowknife, Northwest Territories. They are full of fresh water, have plenty of timber for fuel and furniture, and are full of game, such as Moose and fish. Don't get me wrong: these are crap holes. No kidding there. But they'll be Zombie-free crap holes. And plus, since Canada has high gun ownership levels, they'll have tons of supplies for Zombie hunting, should you come across some.
My plan could have flaws (which I doubt). If you find anything lacking, please let me know.

2 comments:

matt said...

i think i'll go with "dying in a blaze of glory." it is an apocalypse, afterall.

Jelarin said...

Your plan' flaw is assuming zombies need their brain cells and we don't. Or that the zombies currently there won't be able to break into whatever place you have fortified yourself in and steal your warm fire and whatnot. They will want the heat as much as you. I do admit, it would probably work just because there are less people living out there, therefore, less zombies will occur.