Sir Mix-A-Lot was Knighted for his Work Promoting Women's Rights

Baby got back!

So, we have this new fancy-shmancy type of trash can in my home in California (the best state) that opens when you wave your hand in front of it or even walk by it.
This enforces the "he-who-tops-it-off-drops-it-off" rule.
But the batteries don't work right. Or I don't know how to wave my hand correctly.
So I've found the only way I know how to open the kitchen trash can lid:

The title of this blog entry pretty much gives it away.

So I have to back into the trash can to get it to open, then turn quickly, and deposit the trash in the can before the lid closes.

I use quick, inconspicuous dance steps to get the job done right.
It's really sad.

Kissing Kousins

So I am now watching MoTab's (Morm. Tab. Choir) Christmas special on PBS with Sissel, the Norweigan singer. Then I realized something: If Swedish and Danish had a baby, it would be Norweigan.

So then I got to thinking: where do other places/ people potentially come from?

Canada is an easy one: Canada is America's sister that was raised by a stern British nanny- the kind that uses a switch when you're naughty.

Florida is also a slam-dunk example: a marriage of New York and Alabama. Florida obviously has identity issues.

New Jersey is New York's red-headed step child from its later relationship with Connecticut.

California has produced five different states: Arizona, New Mexico, Oregon, Nevada (please pronounce it right), and Wisconsin.

Arizona had a brief marriage to Florida in the 1990s from which it produced Missouri. Canada is currently raising Washington, which is Oregon and Vermont's love child.

I now have a long list of state's I can't live in. I'm working on making it longer.

Please send any hate mail to:

Chad Can Plan ; 1120 Main Street ; Cool Town, USA 867-5309

Missouri and Tennessee on a date (below)

Saruman! Saruman! Saruman!

I am sitting in Las Vegas's McCarran Airport with an ETA 12 hours later than what I originally expected. With a free night in a Super 8 motel, $10 of meal vouchers left, and a free flight anywhere in the lower 48 states. Ah, I love flight cancellations and overbooked flights. And I love free wireless connections in the airport peppered with a very jetlagged and sleep-deprived the Chad.
I am back in my beloved Western United States. "East is least, West is best" is what I remind myself everyday on the East Coast.
You know what the greatest thing is about the West? It's not the people (people are equally cool everywhere, just in a different way). It's not the food (same everywhere, though with Carl's Junior and Rally's and Dreyer's). It's not the climate (though I really like the climate in the West better).
It's the lack of trees.
I know, I am officially evil.
I like trees. I like how they provide shade.
But all things in moderation. I mean, they're everywhere in Florida. And they make everything dark. And you can't see far into them.
So what do they have to hide?
I'm suspicious.
So I am reminded of Lord of the Rings and Saruman, who felled many a tree, and the orks and Uruk-hai, who shouted his name, encouraging deforestation.
So I shout with my Middle Earth brethren:
Saruman! Saruman! Saruman!