My Zombie Apocalypse Survival Plan

With the year 2012 (the Apocalypse Year) closely approaching and the popularity of the Walking Dead, I thought I'd share with you all my fool-proof Zombie Apocalypse Survival Plan. Now, there are a few assumptions about this particular Zombie Apocalypse. There are two main types of Zombies: supernatural and scientific. Supernatural zombies are difficult. In case of supernatural zombies, you either have to join them (I mean, it can't be all that bad to be a Zombie) or go hard-core Zombie slayer and end up dying in a blaze of glory (like Buffy or Spike (I met him- he's a nice guy)). I assume that any Zombie Apocalypse will be scientific Zombies, such as a Zombie virus.

So you ask yourself: "But Chad, what are we going to do? The Zombies are at my door, and I don't know what to do!"

My Plan is as follows:

1. Grab any gun, baseball bat, or sharp pointy object you can.

2. Grab your supply of food, water, and clothes for about two weeks.

3. Head up to the great white north. Canada.

Yes, that's correct. Canada will be safe from Zombies. Not all of Canada. Just some of it. Here's my logic: What kills Zombies? Killing the brain. What kills brains? Shotgun blasts, bashes to the head, fire, and EXTREME COLD. Yes, that's right. Extreme cold. The brain cells expand, burst, and the Zombie dies. Or undies, I don't really know the proper terminology.

A large chunk of North America (see red line on the map below) freezes below -20 Fahrenheit each year. I reckon this is cold enough to kill brain cells. And the areas where Zombies don't die each year will be full of Zombies. So what you have to do is go very far up north so the survivor Zombies won't be able to reach you before the harsh winters kill them off again. So all you need to do is just chill out for a decade or so until the Zombies kill each other off.

For potential locations I have Whitehorse, Yukon or Yellowknife, Northwest Territories. They are full of fresh water, have plenty of timber for fuel and furniture, and are full of game, such as Moose and fish. Don't get me wrong: these are crap holes. No kidding there. But they'll be Zombie-free crap holes. And plus, since Canada has high gun ownership levels, they'll have tons of supplies for Zombie hunting, should you come across some.

My plan could have flaws (which I doubt). If you find anything lacking, please let me know.

It Was the Best of TV Shows, It Was the Worst of TV Shows

Hello, Blog! After a year and a half, I thought I'd say hi. Not much has changed except that I work in a different city (but live in about the same neighborhood as before) and I have not had a mullet since November of 2009. Yes, I've been mullet free and loving it.

I thought I'd start a semi-regular feature about the best and worst TV shows I've seen in the past while. When I last blogged in Nov 2009, I had just been introduced to the wonderful world of Netflix and had purchased my own account. Now, after a year and a half of the 'Flix, I have to admit that there is a lot of crappy television and a lot of awesome television out there. Here are some of my favorites (in no particular order):

1. The IT Crowd. So here's this show's recipe for success: Put an Irishman, a British Nerd, and a Ginger in the same room, and presto! Instant comedy success. My favorite catchline from the show: "I'm disabled."

2. Justified. No, this isn't on streaming. But DVDs count too. This show takes the usual law man show and adds a hillbilly twist to it: A lawman returns to his Kentucky rooots, with his former love interest waiting for him. And plenty of hicks. It really works because of the brilliant scripting and acting chops, especially Timothy Olyphant.

3. Psych. Dule Hill, James Roday, and that guy from LA Law. Need I say more? (Yes, I saw them at Comic Con)

4. Burn Notice. Don't cross Michael Westen. Ever. And I also saw Bruce Campbell, AKA Sam Axe, AKA AKA Chuck Finley, at Comic Con. He's even more awesome in person.

5. 30 Rock. I can't believe I waited almost 5 full seasons before I fell in love with this show. Tracy Morgan, Tina Fey, that Southern Dude, and Alec Baldwin. Who knew that Alec Baldwin was so funny and willing to make fun of himself? Brilliant writing, and Tina Fey's character actually speaks some pretty good German.

And here's for the worst shows. Some are just categories of shows.

1. Boondocks. If the swearing doesn't get you, the racial slurs will. I don't know what they're saying all the time or why they're saying it, but it's actually pretty offensive.

2. Most Anime. I hate to say it, but Anime is not my favorite genre. I saw some pretty bizarre Anime displays at last year's masquerade (at Comic Con, brought to you by true blood). And they were all off-putting. As my Japanese friend in college said: "Yeah, we don't really like Anime that much in Japan either."

3. Most Reality TV. I mean, as much as I am dying to see Kim Kardashian buy shoes or act spoiled and self-absorbed, I think that most of this TV is a waste of time and resources. Unfortunately, because it's so cheap and oddly popular, I only see this trend continuing.

4. Monday Monday. I gave this show about fifteen minutes, 12 minutes more than I should have. It's about a youngish British girl who is seeking her place in life. This works when Tina Fey does it, but not when someone with no charm or real acting talent does it.

5. Melrose Place 2.0. Yes, I heard about it and decided I had to discover how terrible it really was. I mean, it was fortunately cancelled, so it's reign of terror ended. I have spent about 10 minutes flipping through the fast forward feature on Netflix. If the bad acting doesn't get you, the poor writing will. This is one case where I think the Nielsen system works.

This was the wrap-up for now. Let me know if you have any good or bad TV shows to view. I'll be on the look out.